Writing Wednesday

Starting with Identity: Who Your Character Thinks They Are

Last time we talked about the glimmer, that spark that makes you want to write a story in the first place. Now comes the hard part. Turning that glimmer into actual people.

I write romance, which means I usually have two main characters. Dual protagonists. And let me tell you, there isn't a lot written about how to develop books with two equally important characters. Most writing advice assumes you have one hero and everyone else orbits around them. But in romance, you've got two people, each with their own goals and motivations and conflicts, and somehow all of that has to weave together into one story.

It can feel like trying to braid three strands with four hands.

So here's what I've learned after 95 books: you can't develop both characters at the same time. Not at first. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out how everything connects before you even know who these people are.

Pick one character. The one who speaks to you the most. The one who showed up first in your imagination. Start there.

Five Elements (But We're Only Tackling One Today)

When I'm developing a character, there are five key elements I need to figure out eventually. Things like their goals, their motivations, their conflicts, their wounds, their arc. But if I try to nail down all five at once, I freeze up. It's too much.

So I start with just one thing: identity.

What Is Identity?

Identity is how your character sees themselves. It's the persona they've constructed to move through the world. It's how they would describe themselves if you asked them point blank, "Who are you?"

Notice I didn't ask what they do for a living. I asked who they are.

A character might say, "I'm independent. I don't need anyone." Or "I'm a caretaker. People depend on me." Or "I'm logical. I don't let emotions cloud my judgment."

This is their identity. The way they've decided to be in the world.

Here's the tricky part: your character thinks this identity is a good thing. They've built their whole life around it. To them, being independent or being needed or being logical is what keeps them safe, successful, functioning.

They don't see it as a problem.

But you need to.

The Path to Spiritual Death

Every identity that protects a character is also slowly killing them.

Sounds dramatic, right? But think about it. If your character could stay exactly as they are, living exactly how they're living, believing exactly what they believe about themselves, you wouldn't have a story. Stories are about change. About people being forced to become something different than what they were.

The identity your character clings to at the beginning of your book is a dead end. If they keep going the way they're going, they'll end up isolated, broken, or lost. Maybe not physically dead, but spiritually empty.

Let's say your character's identity is "I'm a loner. I don't need people." That might have served them once. Maybe they got hurt and decided never to be vulnerable again. So they built walls and called it strength.

But you can see where that leads, can't you? To a life without connection. Without intimacy. Without love. They think they're protecting themselves, but they're actually starving themselves of everything that makes life worth living.

That's the trajectory you're looking for when you define your character's identity. Not what makes them functional, but what makes them doomed if nothing changes.

Finding Your Character's Identity

So how do you figure out what your character's identity is?

Start by asking: What does this character believe about themselves? How do they justify their choices? What would they say is their greatest strength?

Write it down. Be specific.

Then ask the harder question: If they keep living this way, where does it lead? What do they lose if they never change?

I had a character once who saw herself as "the responsible one." She took care of everyone. She never asked for help. She prided herself on being needed.

Sounds noble, right?

But when I looked at where that identity would take her, I saw someone who would end up resentful, exhausted, and completely alone. Because people who need to be needed don't let anyone close. They can't receive love, only give it. And that's not a relationship. That's a one-way street to burnout.

That's when I knew I had her identity figured out.

Why This Matters for Romance

In a romance, you've got two people, each with their own identity. Each with their own protective persona. And here's the beautiful, complicated part: those identities are going to clash.

One character might be "I'm independent, I don't need anyone." The other might be "I'm a protector, I take care of people." See the problem? The independent one won't let anyone help them. The protector needs to be needed. They're going to drive each other crazy.

But that's exactly what you want.

The whole point of the romance is that these two people have to break down their protective identities to be together. They have to become who they really are underneath, not who they've been pretending to be.

That's the journey. That's the arc.

But you can't map that out until you know where each character starts. And that means understanding their identity.

Don't Forget the Other Character

Here's what I do: while I'm working on my first character's identity, I keep a notebook page for the second character. Whenever something occurs to me about them, I write it down.

Maybe I'm figuring out why my hero sees himself as independent, and suddenly I realize my heroine is going to be the kind of person who values community. Write that down. Don't try to develop it fully yet. Just note it and keep going.

You're building a foundation. Nothing is wasted. It will all come together, but not if you try to force it too early.

Focus on one character. Get their identity clear. Understand what they believe about themselves and why that belief is going to destroy them if they don't change.

Then, when you're ready, move to the second character and do the same thing.

Trust me, once you have both identities figured out, you'll start to see how they fit together. How they challenge each other. How they need each other to become whole.

But that comes later.

Your Homework

Pick your first character. The one who feels most alive to you right now.

Ask yourself: Who do they think they are? What's their protective persona? How do they describe themselves?

Write it down. One sentence. "I am..." and finish it.

Then ask: If they never change, where does this identity take them? What do they lose? What kind of death (spiritual, emotional, relational) are they headed toward?

Write that down too.

That's your starting point. That's the foundation of your character's arc.

Next time, we'll talk about what your character really needs underneath that identity. Their essence. The truth of who they could become if they're brave enough to let go of who they think they have to be.

But for now, just get clear on the identity. Who they think they are. The version of themselves that's going to have to die so the real person can live.

It sounds harsh. It is harsh. But it's also the heart of every good story.

Know who your character pretends to be. Then you can start figuring out who they really are.